Breaking News: The Musk Era Begins
It's time for me and my elite, highly-qualified executive oversight team (comprised mostly of AI, flamethrowers, and one genetically enhanced hamster) to begin our work.
Starting tomorrow morning, I will personally take control of all operations in the state of Colorado. No, you don’t get a say in this. Democracy was cool, but have you tried Technocracy with rocket-powered roller skates?
All dissenters will be swiftly dealt with by my highly trained attack mongoose, X-Æ-A12. This little guy was raised on Tesla battery fumes and Cybertruck shrapnel—he fears nothing, respects no one, and will short your stocks on sight.
First order of business? Underground Hyperloop tunnels connecting every dispensary in the state. Second order of business? I haven’t decided, but I’ll probably announce it at 3 AM in a Twitter post that instantly drops the stock market by 12%.
Welcome to the future, peasants.
